Valentine - Rejected!

In case you didn't know, Wayne and I work opposite shifts.  It really sucks and with all the overtime we work, we generally see each other 4 partial days a month.  So, it makes things like Valentine's Day a little more difficult knowing that we're not going to see each other.  I've had a little plan to work a half day and surprise Wayne with a "delivery" of a dozen cupcakes and moi.  I've been telling him and reminding him for ~2 weeks that his present is scheduled to deliver at noon on Valentine's day.

Here's how this morning played out:

White Board on the Fridge (where we communicate to each other throughout the week):  Sorry I didn't make your salad for lunch.  I guess I'll have to bring lunch to you.  Happy Valentine's Day.
Me (waking Wayne up): Honey, I'm leaving for work.  Don't worry about the salad. I'll grab something on my way in.
W (groggy): What? No!  That defeats the purpose.  Do you really think I forgot to make your salad?
Me: Honey, you can't bring me lunch today because you have to be home for your Valentine's delivery.
W: What?  Do I have to sign for it?
Me: Uhhh.  Yes, yes you do.
W (visibly upset but he generally looks like a VERY grumpy man in the morning when just woken up to hear his Valentine's Day plans to surprise me were spoiled): Follow me.
Me: (I followed him across the apartment to our guest bedroom closet.) What???  What are you doing?
W: Well, if I can't see you at lunch then I need to give you your Valentine's present.
Me: NO!  NO!  Leave it in there.  I don't want to see it!  I'm not looking.  I'm walking out now!  You're ruining everything!

Yes, I did say, "You're ruining everything."  I'm not dramatic at all.

The funniest part is that I call my Mom on the way into work laughing a little about how Wayne almost spoiled my surprise Valentine's plans and how I rejected my morning presents and she says, "I rejected my Valentine too!"  My Mom was unable to get my Dad a Valentine so she was hoping he'd forget and not get her one but low and behold, a Valentine was waiting for my mom on the kitchen table.  She said, "What is that?  I don't want a Valentine!"

The story ends well for us all though.  Mom accepted her Valentine and I surprised Wayne with cupcakes at lunch time.  His plan was to bring me flowers at work as well as buffalo burgers on portobello mushrooms - yum.  He also got me 4 chocolate covered strawberries - double yum, a cute Dracula that said pick up lines and a giant 4 foot red glass vase.  The best part was my card though.  Wayne likes to make up little poems for me.  They're usually the reason why I get nicknames like "squirrel" is because he needed a word that rhymed with "girl."  Such as:  You're my yoga girl, cute as a squirrel.  I usually laugh and ponder the cuteness of squirrels (not cute).  But they always make me laugh and feel like the luckiest squirrel alive.

I declare WAR on my face

So, let me just lay it out there.  In the next 4 months (aka countdown to wedded bliss), I will do the following to my face:

Prior to now (see here & here). 3 IPL treatments = $800

Treatments and associated costs for all those curious:
$150 - Pigment Correcting Chemical Peel #1
$150 - Pigment Correcting Chemical Peel #2
$150 - Pigment Correcting Chemical Peel #3
$1500 - Fraxel-dual
$150 - Pigment Correcting Chemical Peel #4
$150 - Pigment Correcting Chemical Peel #5

Daily Regimen:
Hydroquinone - face bleaching cream ~$80/tube
Retin A - I bought in Mexico, but if buying in the US ~$120/tube
Anti-oxidant serum stuff - $125/bottle

For those keeping track, to remove the melasma from my face, it will cost me ~$3400.  Now that it's all added up... lets think of other ways I could have spent this money... You, too, can brainstorm at home:

• Maybe instead of eating crunchy lettuce, I could have lypo-sucked all my stomach fat out. 
• How much does a breastlift cost?
• For that cost, I'm sure my photographer could airbrush Adriana Lima's face onto my her own body in all my wedding pics.
• Maybe I could purchase Adriana Lima as a stand-in for the wedding.

Ah, but alas, I have decided to fix my face.  Here's to being the vainest, $3400 poorer, clear faced girl you know! 
*Cheers*

Snow Progression

Here is my progression of the snow storm.

8pm:

9pm

 10pm

Doggie, inside, staying warm.

Following Morning 8am - still snowing by the way.  We got 8-12" last night and it's going to continue snowing all day today.  

I was just trying to be proactive and clean off my car since I had to get my snow boots out of it.

I made a little snow tunnel.  

 Halfway there.

 Walking the doggie in the snow.  We didn't go far because she wasn't excited about leaping through the snow this morning.  She needs her coffee first.

New Earrings

For Christmas, my parents bought me some new earrings.  They just came in and I'm so excited about them.  You can't tell from these pictures but the gems are alternating blue and purple.  There's a little silver plumeria in the middle.  They're super shiny.

What do you think?  I am happy to have another pair of pretty ones that sparkle.  You have to custom order these so I think I'll try some in the yellow/orange/red range next.

How Much Do You LURVE Surprises?

I didn't just use "lurve."  Wait, yes I did.  Why?  Because I'm freaking giddy!  I just ordered my BFF a dozen cupcakes with the following:
Cupcake #   Word
      1             Will
      2             You
      3             Be
      4             My
      5             Maid
      6             of
      7            Honor?
      8            xoxo
      9            Heidi
     10          6/9/12
     11          Boulder
     12           CO
To be baked & delivered with love by these guys and includes the following flavors:

• Salted Caramel
• Dom Berrignon
• Le French Toast
• S'mores Please!
• Cookies Got Creamed
• Peanut Butter Choco-Rama
• Chocolate on Chocolate Action
• Red Velvet
• Vanilla with Buttercream
• Pippament Middleton

The fancy Yum Yum guys are going to deliver them to her home tomorrow (today by the time I schedule this to post).  Surprises are so fantastic.  Also fantastic; gifting.  Yep.  It really makes me feel like I just got a new puppy.  I think my friend will be super happy.  I'm jealous I don't get to eat them with her.  In pajamas.  Watching Bridesmaids or talking about Oprah.

Tax on Service?

Remember my friends?  Well, my first contract from them contained some $400 in taxes for their services.    I questioned this and it was modified to $79 in tax for the products we're purchasing, so no harm, no foul but that got me to thinking (and subsequently asking), "Am I the first bride to question tax on service?"  Well, the answer ended up being Yes.  4-5 years worth of brides never questioned this?

I feel perplexed about what that says about me?
And also thinking about how I must come across to others, especially my photographers in this instance.  Do my photographers think I'm cheap since I didn't blindly pay without questioning it?  Does the fact that I questioned it make me seem like a difficult client?  Are they thinking, "Sheesh, what a bitch.  We got a live one here."  I'm positive that they're not thinking that it was fabulous that I brought that point up.  I'm sure they're thinking they're giving me a discount that they weren't anticipating giving me.

I wish they were our friends!

I was just talking to my friend about her situation in meeting men when you're older (read: not college aged).  We came up with some great ideas for her.  Join a bookclub arranged with a local library, take a photography class, take some cooking classes (men = meat although she's thinking vegetarian) so she might end up meeting a lot of other lovely single meatless ladies (read that however you'd like).  This got me to thinking though, I feel like I'm lacking couple friends!  You know you're lacking couple friends when you meet your wedding photographers (husband and wife team) and gush about them to everyone you know saying things like, "I wish they were our friends!"  The hardest part is the fact that there are 4 people that need to mesh rather than 2.  This is my inner nerd coming out but it's not a linear function because it's exponentially harder to find another couple to mesh with!  A lot of times, it's my fault.  I happen to be pretty hypercritical (as a perfectionist) especially when it comes to my friend's significant others.  I generally think that they're not good enough or should treat my friend better or provide more understanding and emotional support... blah, blah, blah.  Can you guess if I'll be one of those Mom's who never approve of their daughters boyfriends?  Yep.  They won't have to worry about the father when I'm around!  Another aspect that adds frustration is that opposites attract in your relationships, but a lot of times similarities attract with friendships.  So, your introvert husband may not impress me as much as a friend as my introvert husband impresses me with the calm peace he brings.  I'd probably just end up thinking that your husband is bland or boring or too hard to get to know.
More likely though, is that I'm not interested in anything the wife of one of Wayne's friends has to offer.  It's interesting how that works.  You like a guy, you would think you'd like his wife too but no.  They end up being shallow and annoying or GHE - TTO (pronounced as 2 syllables) and you would rather punch yourself in the face with brick than small talk through lunch with them.  And so, they get taken off the short list of invites to almost any outing.  What are we left with?  Dreaming about being friends with our photographers....
Although my friend (remember the older one above?) thinks she can't find a man that's not a criminal, atheist or cheater, I tell her that's just ridiculous and she needs to WORK for what she wants.  She needs to get out there and find it and she'll have to ditch plenty of guys along the way that don't stack up.  Well, I'm sure the same goes for Wayne and I.  I need to look into weekend activities for couples.  We need to WORK for this if that's what we want.


I think we'll start this first thing if we move to Alaska.


Alaska you say?


Yes, but that's a story for another day.

I'm a Bride, Damnit

An amazing thing happened while I was wedding dress shopping... I became a girl.  I've been slowly embracing my feminine side over the course of many years.  I didn't wear makeup until after college.  I didn't carry a purse until after that.  Stilettos have also been more recent.  Items left to conquer; dressing like a girl and doing anything to my hair.  The hair thing will probably be last, honestly.  Straight/plain is all I know and seems to require some technique, knowledge of hair products and what to use when and accessories.  I'm lacking in that department.
When I first began dress shopping, it wasn't going well.  Dresses didn't look good.  They were the wrong size and I felt a little sad about busting out of the back and being held in with clips.  I was 100% against veils and trains.  I asked for neither.  However, by the end of the shopping extravaganza, I felt better about myself than I anticipated.  I had identified my shape and started to feel pretty and things began to change.  Train? Yes, please.  Veil?  I'm a bride, damnit!  I began to embrace this side of myself that has been locked away because I liked being alternative.  I'm not very interested in mainstream.  It's too predictable.  But I've become it and I'm feeling secure about it. 

I will be a blushing bride.

I will cut some cake with my new husband.

I want a first dance (maybe).

I want to float around looking like a princess.

I'm excited to change my name.

I'm SO ready to get married.

This is so strange but I honestly don't think I've been more excited about anything.

Face Zapping #3

Today was my final round of face zapping.  The first 2 times I had IPL Treatments but this final time she used a different laser that works better at removing chloasma, which is what the remaining brown spots are called.  The IPL got most of the spots associated with sun damage and dramatically evened out the discoloration in my face so this one should target the other browns I guess.  My face was a little hot driving home from the treatment but nothing like the first IPL treatment.  Here's a few shots of the immediate aftermath.

Results to come in a few weeks.  Oh, and I had her perform a special little procedure while I was in there.  I may or may not lack impulse control???  Can't wait to tell ya'll about that one.  Maximum results in 3 days.  More to come. :)

Take Care of Me

First of all, this has absolutely nothing to do with Wayne or his career or ability to care for me and more to do with the pressures I put on myself.  I just wanted to lead with that statement before expressing my thoughts today.

Sometimes your personal life is stressful and simultaneously your work life is stressful.  Sometimes these things coincide with holidays which bring about an extra set of chores (decorating the home, gift giving, card writing) and sometimes you're eating only crunchy water all day (lettuce) to lose weight for your only wedding.  Sometimes there's extra wedding tasks and sometimes you don't like to be the same as everyone else and therefore choose to make your own save the dates instead of forking over money.  It's interesting that at times like these when I'm feeling the most overwhelmed, instead of throwing out the diet or buying all gift cards and skipping the Christmas letter, instead I daydream about how great it would feel to be taken care of financially.  To not be the breadwinner.  To be a domestic housewife that spends her days leisurely writing Christmas cards and going for a nice swim or soak in the hot tub, to lounge about reading a few chapters in a novel, dreaming up ways to make friends and family happy (cookies? handwritten letter?).  I guess I dream about a life without work-work.  Yeah, yeah, this isn't a post about how being a stay at home mom isn't work or anything like that.  It's about not feeling so trapped by the never-ending responsibilities.  The least likely thing for me to give up is work, so I dream about a life without it.

Even though I dream about a day when I've hoarded enough money to stop working, I still strive for the next level of responsibility.  What's wrong with me?  I guess I justify it by thinking that if I could kill myself now with stress and pressures and continual drive, that I'll reap the benefits later.  I wonder if that'll ever truly happen or if all this stress and pressure will end up warping my personality until I no longer remember how to have fun and let loose.  As most things, I have a plan about how to stay balanced.  I keep yoga in my life, I have book goals and I keep a blog to provide the slightest outlet of creativity (which is quite lacking).  These are all events that I can plan into my day, but what I'd really like to know is, how to I let go and be goofy?

I started this off with wanting to be taken care of financially and ended with wanting to be goofy.  My mind is obviously not focusing well.  It must be bedtime.

Pros & Cons; Decisions of an Engineer

To solve the cliffhanger from last time; I received an offer for the Project Manager Position.  I also received an offer from my current place of employment.  For background, I'm a independent contractor so technically, the company I work for is my client therefore the offer is to come in-house as a permanent process engineer.

PM Role Pros:

• Position I've always wanted/been striving for
• Impressive responsibilities, impressive title
• ~ 40 miles less round trip
• Title and experience would allow opportunities for other PM positions (lateral movement)
• Title and experience would be a great stepping stone toward management (upward movement)
• Great potential for work at home (during infant years)

Current Role Pros:

• Already successful in position
• Manager and Director support my career growth and have expressed interest in putting me in coordinator/PM/supervisor roles within the company as they come available.
• The company has massive predicted growth over the next 5 years with many advancement opportunities to present themselves.

• Half Pro's:
• Friends established
• Comfort with company/manager
• Flex time - easier to come/go for wedding planning 
• Better benefits including additional pension plan & stock options
• Flexible with regard to family

PM Role Cons:

• Risk for failure is great (very large amount of responsibility)
• 15% travel (although I don't mind travel and any travel is exciting, any travel will take me away from my future babies = potentially dampen breast feeding and bonding time.
• Extravert in a box!  Less face to face communication and friendship/smiling interaction (basically, I think one aspect that makes me successful at companies is that I'm always happy and easy to be friendly with, so people trust me easily and want to work with me.  In the new role, most of my communication would be email/phone time).

Current Role Cons:

• Potential for advancement is only a dream/hope - no promises or solid positions available.
• Overall company stability is risky (one contract doesn't come through and consequences or company growth delays or worse.
• I have to complete my current assignments!  Yikes.  Going on 9 months of a software install is hell.

So there it is.  Honestly it seems to be close to a deadlock.

Bait and Switch

Recently I've been presented with an opportunity as a PM for an engineering consulting company.  This is where I've been driving my career thus far.  I have been working on the same projects I've been managing which is generally considered project engineering.  Ok.  Good place to start.  Next level is to stop participating in the engineering and move to full-time management.  So, this position would be a step up for me.  Well, I've interviewed 3 different times now with 4 different guys at this company and tonight was the last one.  Tonight was with the director, the big wig.  At the end of the interview I asked what the next step was and he said that the 4 of them were going to discuss if they should bring me in as a project engineer for a year before moving me into a management role.  What?  No.  I almost just spit that out right then and there.  I did not apply for a lateral move.  I do not want to be a project engineer.  I don't see what that's going to accomplish considering I AM a project engineer and have been one most of my career.  No.

Pride.

That's what you're hearing here.  It's my pride talking and it's limping along wounded.  Would a permanent position with benefits be a good career choice?  Yeah.  Didn't I say it would be great if I could move into a PM position with a company I was already established with strictly for comfort of transition and ease of anxiety?  Yeah.  If they were interviewing me all along for a project engineer position and I got to this point and they said they were compiling my offer, would I be excited?  Yep.  But what's really going on here is a company is saying that they can't decide if I can hack it but they don't have another option so they'll hire me below the position I interviewed and test me.

I won't do it.  I am willing to give up this opportunity for a permanent position with benefits, bonuses and a 401k and ease of transition into my dream job for pride.  My pride is hurt and the only way to mend it is to send the message that I will not settle and they made the wrong decision.

So I wait for my offer.  Will it be project engineer or project manager?

Ouch - IPL Treatment

It's called a "Pregnancy Mask" and I've had it for years.  Apparently fluctuations in hormones can cause women to get hyperpigmentation in their face aka brown spots.  Obviously there's a greater possibility during pregnancy for your hormones to become unbalanced, hence the "pregnancy mask" name it's been given.  I have never been pregnant, but for whatever reason, I got this crap on my face.  I was hoping it would fade and go away but it didn't.  Finally I decided to take care of it.  I should have taken a "Before" picture without makeup but I didn't think about it.  

Yesterday, I had my first of three IPL Laser treatments.  My mom had the same done years ago and I was expecting our experience to be similar, however lasers react differently on different skin tones.  My mom has very white skin and I have pretty dark skin.  My mom went back to work after her treatment and I... well, here's my experience...

I only posted this first picture because I can clearly see the pain in my eyes.

 This is about one hour after the laser treatment.  I drove home in serious pain honestly feeling like a burn victim.  I was not prepared for the pain I was in and should have arranged a ride home.  Unprepared however, I drove home holding an ice pack to each cheek and driving with my knees.  I had the air conditioner on full blast straight at my face and I still felt on fire.

 This blue thing in the pictures is another ice pack I thankfully had in the freezer.  It's pretty large since it's usually used for icing my back.  I ended up pulling that cover off of it and putting my face directly on the frozen clay stuff.  My face did not freeze off.  No, I think my face was truly on fire.

 Once I heated that entire ice pack up, plus the 2 I left the office with, I felt frantic.  I didn't know what to do.  I ended up grabbing a mixing bowl, filling it to the brim with ice and water and throwing my face directly in it.  I did this for the next several hours until the pain was bearable.

 Day 2 - approximately 24 hrs later.  The spots are turning darker and feeling a little like scabs.  I DID go to work.  I'm pretty impressed with myself.  I did paint my face as well as I could with cover up, foundation, powder and tinted moisturizer but it was still pretty apparent.  I hid in the contractor trailer today as much as possible.

Well, that's what I look like today.  I'll post updates over the next few days.  Even when this is all better and healed, I have this to look forward to another 2 times before I'm done and my face is spot free.  Yikes.

Vegas 2011

  Another quick trip to Vegas.  This time it was with 2 co-workers for a quick getaway girls trip.  We stayed at NY NY.  It was my first time staying there and the hotel was nice.  It seemed like it catered to a younger crowd.  I have to say that it's a little odd that the bars/clubs stayed open until 4 am but the only place to eat was pizza.  Needless to say, we had our fill of pizza.

Caught mid-dance.  We didn't look like your average club-goers.  Night One:  We got wristbands for free entrance to the NY NY clubs including Rok and Coyote Ugly.  Unfortunately, Coyote Ugly disappointed big time.  Rok was a little better but timid ladies beware - the creepers were mighty handsy.

I snuck into a pic - Hurray.

Night 2: The girls and I went to see Absinthe and we all greatly recommend it!  It was circque du soleil-ish with acrobatic performances but the raunchy humor made it a little less family friendly.  The girls even got an accidental peep show during one performance.  I don't know where I was looking... Or rather, we know exactly where THEY were looking... :)

Afterwards, we ended up back at Rok with free wristbands once again. The single lady was liking the attention. The married one was not. Both ended up leaving the engaged lady (me!) in the club alone that night.  I can't say I was excited about that and it still remains a sore nugget in my memory but we pushed on to see another day in Vegas.

Day Three: Another show!  Wahoo.  We saw Blue Man Group.  It was entertaining and fun but and married and engaged were nodding off so went back to the hotel alone to catch up on our beauty sleep.  Single partied on and on until dawn.  Well, I wouldn't know when she came back really because I was blissfully asleep and packed.  All I wanted for Day 4 was to lay around at the pool.

Day 4: After a little research, we ended up at a lovely brunch at the MGM.  Tummies full, married and I walked the strip for the only time this vacation!  Who doesn't walk the strip in Vegas?  I was dying to see Aria and the City Center.  Mr. Wayne built it and souvenirs aside, he just wanted pictures of the finished product.

It was incredibly gorgeous.  We almost stayed there, but as the only double-income, no children one of the three, alas, it was not in the budget.  Maybe next time.  I'd happily window shop there for hours.  No-children or not, Gucci and Prada are SLIGHTLY out of my price range.  In fact, Married and I didn't even want to step into a store with fear they would throw our American Eagle/Express wearin' asses out, out, out. 

Next Time: No clubs, more pools, less pizza, more ladies!

Real Housewives of Denver

I was walking out the door for yoga and happened to catch myself in the mirror. I thought, "Damn, you look like one uppity bitch!" So, I decided to take a picture. :)



How about a quick Q&A for a moment.
Q: Why did you quit writing on your blog?
A: Well, I did't think that a single soul read this so it seemed more efficient to just THINK it than WRITE it.

Q: That's not true, what about your mom?
A: Also a difficult element. The mother/daughter thing remains in tact even though my mom is damn near my bestest friend. I still try to censor myself enough to keep her from thinking that her daughter has a mouth of a sailor and the attitude of a hardened biker.

Q: Is that element gone now?
A: Yes? Ignorance is bliss. Since I haven't written in years, I think she's forgotten I have a blog. So back to sailor mouth/biker grit.

Q: Are you a biker?
A: Um. Yes. Well, I could be. All I need is a bike.

Well, that was fun kids. I'm back to writing here for a few reasons; A) I need an outlet for a slight amount of creativity. B) I don't look as marshmellow-ish as before, so I think I'm feeling better about posting some pics. And C) I've found a few friends that will humor me as I indulge in this narcissistic blog (this is yet to be proven). For the moment, we'll assume it's true and I'm not writing to myself again.

And to bring my friendly friends back this weekend, I promise to post the enormous mass of Vegas pics (read 5) I took.

Engaged

We're Engaged. Check us out:


I'll have to start updating this again. I miss it.

Child Slave

..."That was odd. I think I'll write a blog about it."

I pulled in to get gas today on my way into work and noticed a little girl pumping gas ahead of me. I didn’t see an adult, so I started mentally questioning if she was really pumping gas or just standing by the pump. She looked to be between 5 and 7. I was distracted with answering the 20 questions about my card, zip code and if I’d like a car wash, so I’m not sure how it transpired but when I looked back at the little girl by the pump, a lady was helping her. The little girl was struggling with something. I thought that lady was her mom at first but then the lady walked back into the gas station to help other customers. That’s when I noticed that from inside the Mercedes SUV, behind the tinted windows was the little girl’s mom. She was saying to her daughter, “Did I tell you to get help with it?” That’s when the little girl was getting into the back of the SUV into her booster seat.

What the hell? Who are these worthless Mercedes SUV moms? How smart is this little girl to know that she should get help from the gas attendant clerk than to pop her head in the car and ask her mom? You know how they’re saying that teens today are so entitled that they lay around at their parents house expecting everything to be given to them without working for it? Well, I’m predicting that the pendulum will swing the other way for the next generation. Once all those lazy teens start having children, they’ll expect their children to do everything for them. I don’t know if this is what was going on in this situation but I was disgusted by it. I remember wanting to help my dad pump gas when I was young and he might let me stand there with him and push the appropriate octane or something… maybe hold the handle but neither of my parents were so lazy that they couldn’t pump their own gas and furthermore would expect their 5 or 7 yr old to do it for them. I was trying to scowl at the lady through her tinted windows but I’m not sure she saw. Besides her judgments of my scowling would no doubt be skewed. I’m sure she thought I was jealous of her overpriced gas guzzler and her child slave.

Seattle, Bitches!

So, as I mentioned I was planning on going to see A Perfect Circle in Seattle for a 3 night show. Unfortunately I did not receive tickets although I was on site and prepared for tickets the SECOND I could. Hey, I was trying to purchase them before just in case of a glitch. But either way, no dice. No show. I'm crazy sad about the whole thing. Whatever.

Right now though, I am excited to be going to Seattle. Hell yeah, Seattle bitches. I am going to stay with my little friendy friend, Angel. She rocks far more than you could imagine. Currently, I'm awaiting the drying of my nails before succumbing to a deep, blissful sleep. Tomorrow will still contain massive panic, list making, packing, flight info searches, etc. They don't call me Ms. Procrastination for nothing! That's just how I roll.

Be prepared for an actual photo update this time... not just a teaser. Rock on party people.

Another One For the Dream Files

I have really been remembering my dreams lately! I think it’s because I’ve recently set myself 2 alarms that are 5 minutes apart so that I don’t go so quickly into deep sleep when I snooze and hopefully can annoy my sleeping self enough to pull myself out of bed. I love remembering them, but I’m a little worried what a professional might tell me they all mean. Take this morning’s for instance:

I had been kidnapped and held in a secret underground area beneath a barn in the middle of nowhere. There were other girls down there with me, though we were each separated. We were being held by some sexual deviant that was trying to keep himself under control. Over time though, I started hearing from the other girls, that he was starting to touch them inappropriately. We were afraid of how far he’d spin out of control and so we decided it was worth the risk to attempt an escape. This deviant had helpers, 2 bad and 1 good. The one that we convinced to help us was a little slower than the others and he was tired of being picked on so he decided to help us escape. He was going to prepare this old muscle car (which in my dream was like a jet) so that we could just hop into it, throw a helmet on and blast out of there. The 2 bad guy helpers were taking us out to the bathroom, leading us in single file through this path. One side of the path was thick hedges and the other side was a brick wall. I was the last one in the line on our way back from the bathroom to the main area of the barn, where the car was waiting for us to make our escape. One of the bad guys held the mattress door for me to hunch through the hole in the wall into the main part of the barn and said, “After you.” The look in his eyes gave it away that he intended to hurt me. The only weapon I had was a spoon and so I tried to stab him in the stomach with the spoon handle. The only weapon he had was an X-Acto knife. He preceded to stab me and cut me up with the X-Acto knife until I awoke.

Crazy huh? It’s weird, but the dream didn’t really contain a lot of fear or emotion to me. It was more like watching a movie. Either way, I think it’s weird that I dreamt that. What could it mean? Am I the only one that has these kinds of dreams? Am I a twisted individual or what?

Zombie Love

Monday, Wayne and I went to look at wedding rings. He’d like to get an idea of what I would want and how pricey it would end up being. It was a good time and we went to bed with dreams of diamonds in our heads…. Ok, well I did. We’ve talked about getting married before and we know it’s just a matter of timing. With me not having a permanent job and Wayne unemployed, it’s still not the best time to start thinking about fabulous diamond rings, designer gowns and a trip to Tahiti. (The economy cannot stop these dreams. They’re dreams. I’m allowed.) But, it’s interesting what your subconscious is thinking once it takes over. It seems to be thinking of Zombies and Volleyball, apparently. When Wayne and I went to bed that night, some very telling dreams took over:

Wayne’s Dream:
Wayne dreamt that he was being chased by zombies and they were in our apartment. For a piece of background info; The garage enters through our laundry room which has 2 doors – one going to the garage and one going to the main portion of the house. Apparently Wayne had gotten into the laundry room and was enclosed by both doors. There were zombies on either side of the door so he felt trapped. He looked through the peephole into the garage and saw a zombie in there. He started the remote start on his car and the zombie was initially drawn to it and then became out of sight. After what seemed like forever, he decided to make a run for it. He got into the car and was backing up when our sweet dog, Kudra jumped through the back window into the car. Wayne initially thought she was a zombie dog and was going to kill him but she wasn’t. She was just scared and running for her life. And Wayne and Kudra drove off into the sunset happily ever after.

My Dream:
My dreams are sometimes a little too crazy to write directly, so I’m going to edit out some parts. Wayne and I were our correct age but we were in a high school. (Not going to high school but in a high school). We were playing volleyball in this gymnasium with some friends. I had to go to the bathroom, so I left the game to find the bathroom. It was one of those high school bathrooms where there’s like 15 stalls on the left and 15 stalls on the right. Ever since I watched Scream, where the scream guy stabbed the person in the head when he/she had their ear up to the side of the stall, I’ve actually felt unsafe with someone in the stall directly next to me. Of course, in my dream, there were girls in both stalls surrounding mine. It made me feel uneasy and like I was in danger. When I got out of the bathroom, the volleyball game was over and everyone had moved to the cafeteria. Wayne was sitting VERY close to my friend Katie at one of those folding metal picnic style tables. They were on the end so there was no place for me to sit near Wayne except across from them. It became apparent that Wayne had his hand on Katie’s leg and there was definite sexual energy in the air and I was getting close to crying.

We both were awaken by my alarm and I told Wayne to cuddle with me because I had a bad dream. He said that he did too. Later that night, Wayne mentioned that he was thinking about our dreams and it seemed odd that it was right after a good day of ring shopping and talking about marriage. He said that he didn’t think he felt trapped by marriage although my dream was pretty obvious that I am afraid he’ll cheat on me. I truly hadn’t thought that his zombie dream meant that he may feel trapped at the thought of marriage. It got me thinking though. Being cheated on is a fear of mine. I don’t actively think Wayne in particular will cheat on me but I think men in general are more prone to cheating. It’s hard not to have this fear when it seems that there are cheating stories in so many of my friend’s relationships. I would be naïve to think it couldn’t happen to me. As far as Wayne’s dream, I’m sure he doesn’t actively feel trapped either but it’s probably the male fear, similar to the cheating fear for females.

What do you think? Did you have any odd dreams that were a little telling of your fears before marriage? How about before the birth of a child?

Heidi Claire Anarchy

We went to watch the Denver Roller Dolls on Saturday night and it was pretty awesome. Wayne, as usual, was in chef mode and made 3 different appetizers for our guests. We had everyone come to our place and carpooled. I drove so that everyone else could be drunkards.

The coolest thing about Roller Derby in general, is that it's kind of associated with an alternative crowd. For instance, the refs. I should have taken a picture of them but one guy had a referee DRESS on. I'm not saying "guy" in the general asexual sense, I'm saying there was a dude in a dress and he was reffing. It was awesome. Another ref was a little person and a third ref had hot pink tights on.

I also love that all the girls have creative names like "RockScar," "Angela Death" and "Bijou Blancnbleu." They announced Heidi the Hammer at one point but I think she's a coach. I didn't see her in the international roster. And their numbers are so cool. One of the Heidi's on the international roster is 500 mg. Another is 24/7. How cool is that? Anyway, I want to be a rollergirl now. I think I might get some old school skates and start practicing. I used to LIVE at the Roller Rena as a kid.

What would your rollergirl name be if you could choose one?

Wayne's Career Change!

While selecting this picture I was thinking that it's just ridiculous how much I love this man. I can't imagine that anyone can possibly love someone more. Anyway..... Every winter that goes by and Wayne is working in -20F degree weather, I feel awful. He's so cold and I know it. His poor fingers are about to fall off with frost bite and I'm sitting in a warm office drinking hot coffee. And honestly, if I wanted to complain, they'd provide me a floor heater if desired. I take my breaks in a warm location with microwaves. I do not sit on a frozen potty that smells of death.
On the flip side, my Wayne works hard physical labor while his hands are white and rigid from the cold. He's changing out the batteries in his battery powered socks so that it's not painful to walk and continue to stand for another 7 hours. He's contemplating eating his soup cold because the only microwave is 20 floors down and by the time he gets there and warms up his food, his puny 30 minute break is over.
The summers aren't much better because Wayne's so pale that he burns super quickly and never ever tans. So, instead of tanning, he'll blister. Yes, he's diligent about applying sunscreen, but if he forgets or doesn't get a chance to re-apply, he'll develop huge blisters. Recently, I told him he had to go into a dermatologist to inspect his black odd-shaped moles/freckles. The dermatologist cut them off and biopsied them and then had to cut more out to make sure... Sure of what I asked? That the cancer was out? Sheesh. It freaked me out.
I've been on a mission for years to find Wayne's perfect career that invoke creativity and passion but none of the career encyclopedias have accomplished it, so I find that it's up to me. I decided many years ago that Wayne would excel at pharmaceutical manufacturing. It's both blue collar (so Wayne can continue to tell his dirty, inappropriate jokes) and yet has white collar perks. It pays well and it opens the door for career interests that have eluded him.



I tried to get him to make the career change years ago and took him on a tour of the facility I was currently working at. Just from my connections and my Dad's reputation (as well as my own) anyone would have hired him and given him priority treatment. But at the time, even though a decent salary, it would have been a pay cut from glazing. So, he ended up deciding that it wasn't necessary to make a career change. BUT, Wayne was recently laid off - much to his elation. He's been LOVING his time off of work. One thing I didn't mention was that he basically NEVER took vacation because it wasn't set up as a traditional vacation. They had a savings set up and when waving $1K in your face, it's easier to not justify time off. Basically they paid him for his vacation rather than promoting time off. So, for the past 10 years, Wayne didn't take many days off. He was burnt out. Unemployment was looking pretty fabulous to him. So, here it is and Wayne is unemployed. He's maxed out unemployment and this manufacturing technician job becomes available at a company I was previously employed at. The biggest downfall is that they want to employ their peeps at a VERY low-ball rate as a temp until they decide the person it worth turning permanent and even then, they'll only provide a tiny 1$/hr raise. So, the pay is sufficiently lower (less than HALF of what Wayne could make as an experienced glazier). So, the decision is difficult. It's slightly better than unemployment even. So, there's little incentive to work if you can make the same money for free, theoretically. But I've been stressing the positives.

I made a resume for Wayne (first one ever) and later he ended up testing his math and reading skills in a test the recruiter gave him. Apparently he would not even be considered for the position if he didn't pass with an 80% on each test. Wayne surprised them all when he finished quicker than anyone they had tested to date and got greater than a 90% on both tests. Wayne went in and killed his first interview ever with the pharma crew and I couldn't be prouder. But from there, things started to go very quickly. I called him to prep him on how to negotiate and he called me a few times to ask for items on the paperwork (what was my address in 1998 or what was my salary in 2002)... All the paperwork stressed him out a little and they were unable to budge on the salary. When I finally got home, Wayne was overwhelmed with the day and was in a negative place. I personally think it's because the whole process was new to him and he was overly anxious about every step in the process, having never gone through it before. After talking, however, he started to feel a little more safe in the whole experience and I'm very excited for him to make this career change. I know he'll work back up the ladder at a quick pace and feel happy to be using his brain, meeting new people and getting out of the elements.

White Rocks 2: The Adventure

Well folks, I made it. I made it all the way up and even CHOSE to go down the very last hill toward Gunbarrel knowing full well that if I went down, I'd have to go back up. I forgot to start my heart monitor at the beginning of the trip so it said I exercised for 1:09 and burned like 750 calories or something but really, there was another huge hill in there (and heart attack) that went unrecorded. I'm estimating I burned 800 calories or so. Fabulous. Not shabby for having a good time!



I did exponentially better than last time. This time I made it the whole way! I did end up with a flat, and like all inexperienced mountain bikers, we were unprepared. So, my fabulous Mr. Fit ran the bike the entire way out. Uhhh, that's like over 5 miles for sure. So, Wayne got a damn terrific work out in that day.



We're planning on hitting White Rock again tomorrow and then Ditch Trail on Sunday with my mom and dad!
Also on the docket is White Rock 3 times next week. By golly, I'm going to drop my excess fat if it kills me!

White Rocks

Wayne and I finally bought items from our biking to-do list to make us safe. We got a headlight and tail light, both of which blink in a variety of patterns and we finally got bike helmets. Honestly, we may have never ended up getting the lights except that our little bike ride to Performance to look at mountain bikes for Wayne ended with a pitch black ride home. It was actually really fun riding home in the dark. I felt like I was a young kid again and I wasn’t supposed to be out at that time of night and if my parents found out I was riding on dirt trails without even street lights to illuminate the path, boy, I’d be in trouble. But, we had just purchased (and installed) headlights. They’re generally so traffic can see you but on the dirt path we took home, we pointed them onto the ground and had a lot of fun on the bike path. We kept seeing animals dart out across the path ahead of us but we couldn’t tell what it was. I would think it was a fox and Wayne would think it was a raccoon or skunk. Either way, I was afraid it was going to jump out and get me as soon as we passed it but it was so dark we couldn’t see where it was or if it was gone.

Wayne just bought a used mountain bike – hard tail Gary Fisher. We bought me a used Gary Fisher only a few months ago. These are our starter bikes to see how much we end up loving mountain biking. We have been riding trails around our neighborhoods (if going 15 miles away is still considered our “neighborhood”) and learning how to use our gears and brakes. Then, last weekend, we decided to go on this trail that I drive by everyday to and from work called “White Rocks.” I only know of this trail because my dad took me on it once many years ago. All I remembered about it was that I was moving at a snail’s pace up the mountain while my dad literally ran circles around me all peppy and happy. I was not. But, I thought, I did it that once, so I can do it now. So, off we went. I was mostly worried about my heart exploding but little did I know there were other dangers lurking…. Like my LUNGS exploding. After most of the first hill, I realized I had to stop to catch my breath and seriously, my lungs were on FIRE and there were those little black dots in my vision. Yeah, people, I could have fainted from pushing it so hard. While watching the Biggest Loser last night, Jillian gave props to a girl that fainted during her workout. That was practically me. So, with that adventure in my back pocket, you might not think I’d be on White Rocks again this soon…. but you’d be wrong. Wayne and I are going to attempt it again today. I am getting off work around 1:30 and we’re going to kill the mountain. Well, he will. I’ll just kill my lungs.

APC Annihilation

Last Friday, I decided to commit to A Perfect Circle tickets in Seattle. Not only that, but I was going to go to all three shows.

Yesterday, I purchased my ticket to Seattle.

Today @ 10:59am, I was anxiously awaiting APC to go on sale. I had my trigger finger ready and my Visa out. I was going to buy 2 3-pack tickets for the Seattle show.

11:00am: “We’re sorry, there are no tickets that match your criteria. Try best available or purchase a lesser number of tickets.”
11:00am: Ditto…
11:00am: Ditto…
11:00am x infinity.
I had two windows open and was furiously trying to decipher the captcha or whatever they’re called. No luck.

11:10am: I call ticketmaster. After quite the wait, dude comes on the line and says they’re sold out.

WHAT!?!

I was so shocked and upset that I actually said, “You have gotta be fucking kidding me. I was on the internet at exactly 11am. I can’t believe it was sold out on my very first attempt the SECOND they went on sale.”

Moral of the story: Don’t count your APC tickets before they hatch because baby, you’ve gotta ticket to Seattle and nowhere to go.

Get Born Again

I have been utterly ticket crazy lately. I found tickets that I'm going to buy for a show far far away (time-wise) and I can't tell you about it yet. Then, I discovered the Denver Roller Dolls and am getting a group together for their Oct game. I tried, unsuccessfully, to get a group together for tomorrow night's game as well but everyone apparently had plans already. Boo. Then, there's Alice In Chains and Deftones who are coming to Red Rocks!!! Hello!?! If you knew me, you'd know that Wayne and I are SOOOO obsessed with Alice In Chains that we're going to name our first born daughter Layne after Layne Staley.



Anyway, so of course Layne Staley died but the band lives on. I'm not super excited about their music without him because it doesn't carry the same edge or intensity but in hopes of hearing old Alice in Chains songs, I'm definitely going. I love the band regardless.

Another HUGE favorite of mine is A Perfect Circle.

They're touring... but honestly, I wasn't expecting this because they've all formed side groups and have been on "hiatus" since 2004. Since the singer, Maynard James Keenan, is now actively working with Tool, I wasn't expecting a tour with A Perfect Circle ever. Honestly, I thought I had missed out. But, they're going to be playing in: Pheonix, Los Angeles, Seattle, San Francisco and Las Vegas. Each night, they'll be playing one whole album in it's entirety. Let me announce this now: I will be going to all 3 nights in one city. I MUST see one of my favorite bands live before I die and they're one of them.

Who are my other favorites?

Alice In Chains WITH Layne Staley - I'll never get that chance
Faith No More - Broken up - probably never get that chance
Primus - I'd have to fly somewhere for their 2010 tour also... sheesh.

On a side note, what the hell Denver??? I've heard that a number of artists say that Red Rocks is their favorite venue in the US but then we're skipped over for shit. Grr. What the hell.

Anyway, ticket happy am I.

Finally, I just bought tickets to Shout! a musical for my parents and Wayne and I for Sunday. How cool is that? I'm on the lookout for tickets and shows people. I'll probably report more at a date not far away. :)

Faking It

Well, yes, this is quite the interesting blog to kick off my return to blogging but it's just what's on my mind at the moment so...

At the company I'm currently working at, I have several friends in a different department than me who are constantly in turmoil over their work situation, which brought about the topic of "playing the game." There is a new guy in their group who somehow got hired directly (without having to become a temp first, as is the company's typical style) and also became the group supervisor without applying for it or even working any amount of time necessary to prove himself. The boss of the group is very religious and it seems that this newly promoted dude made himself appear as very straight laced. He didn't try to fit into the current group or get to know anyone to any extent. He even presented himself to be a non-drinker although he is young and looks like a frat boy. In my eyes, he's the male equivalent of the business executive by day - stripper at night female. He's been sticking to his guns and remaining boring and professional for 2 months now but he slipped up. While overhearing some coworkers talking about going to Vegas, he interjected that there's a place in Vegas where you can get $[insert cheap amount] buckets of premium beer every [insert day of the week]. So, at lunch we were discussing this odd comment from Mr. Professional and decided that he's playing a good game. A very good game.

Here's the thing. I know a lot of people play the game. I know it benefits them financially and helps them better their career. I don't know how my moral compass has come to point in the extreme opposite direction but it's unwavering. I just cannot play the game. I've thought about it to some extent and my logic doesn't necessarily add up. I think, "It just cheapens you." But does it? At lunch, we were even comparing this all to Survivor. Do I think Russell (or any other villain) is immoral and bad person outside of the game? No. Do I even think that swearing on your child's life is that bad? No. A lie is a lie and I don't know where the ridiculous superstition came from that if you swear on someone's life and lie, that person will die. Lets all avoid stepping on cracks now. Anyway, I digress. You could definitely consider work as a game and the stakes are high. There's money to win. I guess where this all becomes tricky to me is that I hate the thought of impressing people I think of as unworthy and potentially making myself look a little snakey to my friends. To date, it just happens that those that are unworthy are in high seats of authority and my friends are bottom of the totem pole with me. If somehow I rise to one of those seats, will those unworthy's be my new friends and the underlings becoming the new unworthy's? I'll just go ahead and make a little prediction here. Never. So, I wonder if I'll ever rise to those positions. It's like going further and further into the snake pit. And the further I go, no matter how I get there, I'll have to learn to play the game. Considering my moral compass, apparently that means I'll be faking it.

Seattle Teaser

Seattle was amazing. Wayne and I chose Seattle because I have a super close friend that lives there who offered us a place to stay. We were trying to be economical since I was still unemployed at the time we booked the tickets (and technically still am unemployed). I think it worked out very nicely because we were able to spend money on entertainment that we might have limited if we were paying for 4 nights of lodging! I'll write a blog detailing my trip but for now, check out my favorite pic.

I took it from a sailboat in the Puget Sound. If you thought about it, it was somewhat scary because we were in the ocean ocean. Yeah. We saw dolphins, sea lions and huge jumping salmon. We were unbelievably lucky. But the scary part came from being so close to the water that you could touch it while sitting in the boat and from the boat's owner talking about tipping the boat over. He wasn't talking about it like a joke, he was giving us serious instructions about high side (which we're old pro's at because of white water rafting) and about how to climb back onto the boat once in the water. I'm sure a good boat owner would provide these types of instructions just as a doctor would let you know before removing a tooth that you could get an infection and die, but ignorance is bliss. I was having too much fun to think about the possibilities but I did ask if the sea lions would eat me. He said they're mean bastards. Uhh. So I pushed the whole thing out of my mind and took pictures instead.

Stay tuned. More to come....

I Should Be Sleeping!

I get like this. I'm an overly excited individual which isn't shocking to anyone that actually knows me. So, it's not shocking that I've taken an Advil PM just now. I'm too excited to sleep! Seattle is tomorrow! Super early I might add. I have to get up around 4:30am in order to shower and get ready in time! But, what is exciting is that I'm taking tons of new jeans!

So, on my To-Do list was to sort through all my clothes, books and shoes and make a goodwill pile. Well, Howdy. I made about 7 goodwill piles just out of my clothes and shoes! I haven't gone through my books yet. But what's more exciting, is that while going through my clothes, I rediscovered a ton of cute jeans that were sitting there wasting away with no one to love them. But here I am! And I have love waiting! They are so cute! They fit perfectly and make me feel unbelievably hot and skinny! I have another ~5 pair that are still slightly too tight but I am anxiously awaiting to wear. All of the jeans that were hanging out in my jean drawer were just waiting to be worn. Waiting until I was skinny enough again and today, we rejoiced; the jeans and I.

I'll have to post some pictures when I get back but for now, just know that I did the happy dance more than I think I've ever done in a single day. I may have winked at myself in the mirror while wearing said hot pants. And it's quite possible I told myself that I was "one hot mama" while trying on Seattle outfits with new jeans. Hot Damn, I'm still excited about the find!

Weird Mental Flaw

I guess I've forgotten about this weird little mental quirk thing that I have but it's recently resurfaced so I thought I'd bring it up.

Basically, there's a lot of change in my future. A new job. That doesn't really capture the amount of change associated with this one. I guess I should say, my first client. A move. My car tires need to be changed but that also doesn't capture the change either. I've started weighing the amount of money required to change out all my rims and tires so that they're not so LOW LOW LOW profile (the lowest profile that exists = major problem) with just getting a new car. After all, the next car I'll need is a mommy car. (No news here, just my obsessive future planning.) I decided not to get a new one yet, but that was part of the changes that was leading to my mental disorder.

My mental issue is: I don't like to give up things or get rid of things or leave things and I think I get an unusual attachment to items.

I've been watching this new series on A&E about Hoarders and I am very thankful that I don't have that disorder (I absolutely HATE clutter) but maybe I have a semi-pre-hoarding disorder. The mental issues that come with it but not the physical reaction to it? Or maybe I'm just normal and other people get this sometimes too.

I hate leaving old homes, even though they've always been apartments. I haven't started my overly positive feelings about this apartment yet, but I know it'll happen. I end up taking pictures of every room so that I can remember it in the future - like it matters in 10 years? And once I move from here, I'll think of it lovingly like a dead relative or something. No matter how great it was or not. I'll think - "Oh, if we still lived there blah blah blah." Or "How wonderful was it to live there."

I HATE getting rid of cars. I've owned 3 now. My first car was VERY difficult to let go even though it had more than 200,000 miles on it. My sweet trusty Honda Accord. I wanted to keep it along with my new 4runner. Thankfully my parents said Hell No! Otherwise, you might have driven by my house and there would be a Honda used as a planter in the front yard. Even though I've had TONS of problems with the wheels on my Scion tC, I started thinking about getting rid of it and began my overly positive thinking about it and how wonderful it really is. Even thinking about changing the tires from 18" to 17" makes me pout. I feel like I'm going to look at it later and think -"Remember when I had 18" wheels? That was nice." Seriously? This is a mental problem!!!

My oddest attachment was to the calculator I used throughout High School. Yeah, how odd is that? I carried it around like a good luck charm when I got to college. Even though it had broke by that time and was just unusable junk. Even though I feel like I'm throwing a part of myself away, I do eventually part with things.

Although most of you won't understand this, I have a very strong attachment to my piercings. Although when my mom reads this, she'll freak out but I've even thought about getting some dermal anchors. No mom, I'm not getting any more so settle down! The problem is, I'm 30 now. Aren't I growing out of the piercing stage? But I've been trying to gradually retire some and have successfully retired 4 now. I generally end up panicking and trying to put the jewelry back in a partially closed hole. I asked Wayne to take out my nape and as soon as it was out I told him to put it back in. He wouldn't and thus a successfully retired nape. The 2 hardest ones to retire will be my vertical labret and my stretched lobes. Although saying this freaks out my parents and even Wayne, I really want to stretch them larger. It's a totally different post but it's constantly a struggle for me to NOT be who I want. Everyone is against me on this from family and friends to my career. For example, I want a full sleeve. Could I still be a successful engineer? A career that promotes the nerds with pocket protectors and works around their fear of human contact. It's conservative. I'm not. So, years of conforming to what everyone else thinks I should look like really suppresses me. Maybe that's part of my attachment to my piercings. Each piercing I retire is another win for everyone BUT me. Each one I retire is another step toward conservatism or at least the appearance of it. Thinking about that right now makes me want to rebel and get another 10 piercings. I'm totally off subject now.

Does anyone else have this odd attachment to certain items? I just threw away some 1000 thread count sheets that had ripped. I didn't feel an attachment to them but it did kind of kill me because I wanted to use them to make something. I hated wasting all the good fabric. Another example; my couch. It's seen better days but it's structurally awesome and it IS Italian leather and high quality. My parents have the same couch and told me I could have it since they're getting new furniture. That means I need to get rid of my worn couch. It's kind of killing me to get rid of it. I am afraid no one will love it because of it's exterior flaws but I know it's still worth loving. Which is why I wouldn't have gotten rid of it without a push from my parents and a brand new free couch. Sigh. Mental issues, people. Mental issues. Who's with me?

Super Woman Taking on the World One Disk Bulge at a Time!

The same day as my last post, Wayne and I decided it was time to jump back on the workout wagon and we went to lift. It was 'legs' day so I was thinking that'd be ok and wouldn't hurt my already aching back. In reality, it DID hurt my already aching back. The pain began to increase and increase until the next morning when I couldn't move. Wayne had to help me stand and sit, help me roll over and I had to tell him seriously not to make any funny faces or to joke around in the slightest. Every laugh, sneeze, cough and even some things I said would spike my back pain to unbelievable levels. After having Wayne stand me up (I cried), slowly walk me to the car and sit me in it (I cried) and going to see a chiropractor, I was all better.

Just kidding.

I wasn't all better!!! I had a bulged disk and a slipped disk. I guess that meant I needed an adjustment but the inflammation and pain was too severe to really do anything. He iced me, put some muscle stimulators on me and let me lay on a tracking table and $100 later, I was told to go home and ice it. Thanks doc. He should have at least thrown me some pain meds or muscle relaxants, in my opinion. So, after walking like a granny to the car and laying down in the back seat (I BARELY got out of it) I was home icing. Here it is, 1 week later and I'm ALMOST back to my "normal" back pain level. I can move on my own but still find myself supporting my back with one hand and cocked to the side to alleviate some pain from said bulge.

So, I'm just laying around eating Bon-Bons and watching trash TV.

Just kidding.

No time, people! I've successfully (yet to be determined) set up my new engineering company (hehe. It still sounds cool/stressful to me), purchased liability insurance and begun, in true engineering style, to compare available housing rentals to apartment complexes in Westy. This weekend should be jam packed with apartment hunting. But that's not all I can handle. I've also been weighing my options as far as my car tires are concerned. They're low profile and suck hugely. Do I get smaller rims and normal tires or new low profile ($200 a piece) high performance tires?

And that's not all!

I'm getting my car emissioned today. We're driving to L-town to help my parents move some furniture later on tonight, I'm putting some items on Craigs List, continuing my apartment search, finishing reading the contracts for my new job, still haven't missed a beat with babysitting, shopping for a bunch of necessities that we've put on the back burner, actually purchasing some rims/tires for my car and lets not forget the photo project! All with a busted-ass back and a Seattle vacation coming up. Phew. I cannot handle another anything!

Oh Wait, I can!

I just started my period! Hurray for me! Just what I needed to add to an already aching back - more back pain! Yea! So, I'm starting to feel like super woman. I CAN take on the world! It's currently on my shoulders.

Havoc Wrecker

I've been talking about my stress levels lately from juggling 3 job opportunities that really just became 1 job opportunity but hopefully things get back to normal soon. I think they will. I'll be accepting a job today and we'll be moving closer to Boulder in 1 month. Moving = stress. The move is already causing me an elevated blood pressure due to the fact that I have no idea what our future holds. Before anyone says, "No one does" generally you have a good idea because you have a permanent position somewhere. My new job is only a 3 monther. I guess there's potential for an extended contract or a permanent job in 2010, but I'm not holding my breath especially because of the type of work I've been FORCED into.

My new company will only hire me as an independent contractor which kind of means they're not my "new company" but rather my "new client." What does that mean? Well, it means I'm going to be applying for my own LLC, probably today. It means no paid vacation, sick time, health insurance, life insurance or retirement plan. But what it does mean is money that would make your eyes bulge out and drop to the ground. Well, maybe not that much, but it seems very unreal and I want to take as much advantage of the money as I can because I'm not expecting anything more than 3 months of work. Honestly, I feel skeptical that I'll have a full 480 hours of work. I just feel really nervous about the whole thing because I didn't CHOOSE this route. However, I keep trying to tell myself that With Risk Comes Reward. I've been given information about liability insurance, a friend has given me some ideas about business write offs, I've been researching individual insurance and soon I'll see if there are ways around the retirement thing.

Side Note about the retirement thing: If you work for a company that offers a 401k, you can put away $15,500 per year in tax free money plus another $5K in an individual retirement account but if you don't have this option available to you, you're only allowed the $5,000. This is obviously a huge drawback to someone who's first priority is to retire. Yes, I'm 30 but I have my eye on the ball.

Also, with being your own company, you have different taxes and you have to pay into the government quarterly. I truly think I need to talk to a tax guy or a financial advisor in order to make the most of my 3 months of pay. Should I invest my "taxes" to get a little interest? But then after thinking about all the damn hassle, I wonder if any of this is worth it for 3 months? Blah. But, good news is that after only 2 months, I'll have made as much as I would in 8 months of unemployment, so it's really a good deal financially for me. Another positive is that I'll have dipped my toes into the water of my own business and have learned the majority of unknowns that would have held me back from this option during my career. Many engineers are self employed so getting into this now is very valuable information that will help me during my career. And, honestly, I'm not a risk taker by nature so this would have been an option that I found too risky at any other point in my life to actually venture into it by choice, so being forced (with my personality) is a good thing. However, with that comes stress. The stress and worry that would have held me back and kept me in the safe zone. I really love the safe zone.

Wow. I just had a thought. I've been trying to figure out what my dream meant and it just may be about the my job situation.

Diversion: Dream
I was at the beach in Mexico standing at this tiki hut bar when these Mexican guys came up and touched the vacationer that was standing next to me at the tiki hut. I interpreted this in my dream as an adult game of TAG. I thought it looked fun and I also assumed that I was on "base" so I couldn't be tagged. I stopped touching the tiki bar and tagged one of the Mexican guys and then leaned back onto the bar with my umbrella drink. There's some fuzziness about how the next events transpired but a group of Mexican guys start after me and I realize they want to really hurt or kill me. They were closing in so I grabbed the only thing around me to protect myself which was a fire poker. It had a burning ember on the end and when trapped, I was forced to protect myself and I burned the guy's eyes out. The rest of the guys chased me to the tiki bar, which I was still assuming was my safe zone.

Hmm. I wonder. I always do have crazy dreams but I always think that they're trying to communicate something to me.

Anyway, now my goal is to find housing. We're trying to decide between another year of apartment living or renting a house. We really love the convenience of having a full gym within 200 ft of us and we've been enjoying the hot tub lately but there's potential to enjoy a pool as well (our current one is 3 1/2 ft all the way around = sucks). The housing upside is more room, 2 car garage and a yard to enjoy. Also, this will ease us into the expense of owning a home because we'll probably buy a new washer and dryer as well as potentially some lawn care items aka a lawn mower AND we won't live under stompy. I guess we'll see what calls to us.

As far as the title (yeah, long way to go for this explanation, aye?) the fires in California are wrecking havoc on everyone here in Colorado! And boy do I feel it! I'm allergic to smoke, so the smoke in the air that's just hanging out in Colorado is causing me MAJOR sneeze attacks and the other day I almost rubbed my eye raw. Yes. Raw. Also, little Adaleigh has been coughing and sneezing and her nose is stuffed up. I don't think she has a cold. I think it's the smoke. Wayne has also been having congestion problems, which is to be expected, since he works 10hr days in the middle of Denver swimming in the fire smoke.

Well, that's all of my randomness for today. Fire, 401K, housing dilemma, LLC, dream interpretation and job status update. Phew. That's a lot of randomness!

Fun Side of Vegas

Vegas wasn't all bad. We also had some fun while we were out there. Most of these pictures are from the lingerie shower which was the best part of Vegas hands down. Also, I haven't developed my film yet (disposable camera) so I may be putting some additional ones up later but these capture most of our trip.

If you haven't been to this place, you MUST check it out next time you're in Vegas.
It's in the Excalibur and forewarning, they act like Dicks! They really do. They told us to sit down and shut up when we got there and when we tried to pull the table out from the wall they yelled at us for touching their furniture. But once you know they're going to act like that, it becomes funny. Why is that? Anyway, here I am; pre-hat.

As a somewhat lengthy side note: I really broke out of my comfort zone, clothing-wise while in Vegas. I don't "bare" my shoulders as above. No way. In fact, I'm generally anti anything that shows my body, especially my arms/shoulders. But knowing it was going to be 105 F the first day we got there, I didn't want to look like an Eskimo, so I bought a few halter tops/tube tops to take with me. That's not the only thing different about my attire... it was girly. It's taken me THIS many years to become feminine and now I don't know how to pull it off. So, my friends helped accessorize me as well as gave me tons of compliments to help me feel confident in clothes that I felt frankly, a little slutty. And, later on you'll see me in a dress. Two nights I wore dresses that my friends loaned me. It's crazy because I'm definitely a jeans girl but I consider it all growth and hopefully I can hold onto some of that new found confidence and buy myself some clothing that keeps me in this new style. What I would really love is if I could wear casual dresses as part of my normal attire. Gasp. Yes.

The first hat of the night. It truly was hilarious, as you see Kim laughing her ass off in the background.

This is probably the best picture I've taken in YEARS. Hell, maybe ever. I was concerned about getting hat head, so my hat was off for this one.

My hat is supposed to say: Taken more loads in da rear than Fed Ex. There's an error on it but people got the gist and thought it was funny regardless.

More dirty hats and lots of smiles.

The older ladies that accompanied us had lots of fun as well, which was nice. They could have been proper and uptight about the whole thing but they thought it was funny. I had to explain to my friend's Aunt what a GILF was and looking back I should have said it gentler but that's just not me. Gentle. Maybe I will become more so if I wear more dresses. Hmm.

Check out our waiter. Yeah, not shy and definitely crude. He's the author of all of our hats.

Front of a hat:

Back of the hat:

And now for the customary bachelorette party shot. At this point, all the lingerie had been opened and "tried on" as you can see.

The mother in law also took one, which surprised me. I like that she was fun about the whole thing because she seemed more Mom-ish than Party Mom.

And she tried to take the shot but it didn't happen the way it was supposed to. She ended up sipping the remaining shot like it was a fine scotch. I wish I had a picture of that because that was the mom-style I expected from her. Great effort though.

Apparently there was confusion all around when the bill came. haha.

I'm not sure if this was the next morning or just a morning while there but I was convinced to not shower and boy, did I look like hell. I'm not a roll and go kind of a girl. I'm also not a pony tail in public kind of girl. But I was breaking all my other barriers, so why stop? Uh, this is why.

Here is the congratulations hug after the ceremony. I'm wearing my friend's dress!!!

Here's the 3 of us at the reception dinner. I can't remember what the restaurant is called but it was buffet style and I majorly overate. I really don't know why. I felt like I could actually throw up and then I didn't have room for dessert. Bummer. In fact I felt so HUGE that I didn't want to even take this picture. And I was wearing a dress with spandex or something in it, so it was tight and was going to give with my growing stomach so I was chugging water to aid in digestion hoping I didn't look like hell in that dress for the remainder of the night.
Here's a few of us posing after dinner. I think it's funny that my dress matches the wall behind us.
This was the night I felt most comfortable because I resisted the dresses and wore jeans. I felt unbelievably happy in that outfit. Breaking out of your comfort zone really increases your anxiety so without it, I was finally able to cut loose in Vegas. I'm giving a kissy face.
And here, I'm obviously having some fun posing at the bar. This "bar" was in the middle of the mall but it had closed at this point.

There's no pictures of us gambling but we played some tables, I got scolded a few times for not knowing the proper etiquette at the craps tables and we played some slots. Gambling's fun. I'd love to take a little bit of money for that next time but I think I ended up spending $40, so that's not bad. I'm glad I didn't count my chickens before they hatched and went crazy because it's starting to seem like I'll remain unemployed. I wanted to congratulate myself with a cool purchase of something but thankfully it didn't pop up.

Hope you enjoyed my fun time in Vegas.